honk's not-guide to smutty stuff

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i always read back on my "honk's guide" and want to die because i disagree with like at least 20% of the shit i said back then so im not doing a guide bc there are no REAL rules to writing the same way there are no REAL rules to anything, but from what I know about things i can help out people who may be wanting to write some smutty stuffs

keep in mind tho that everyone's different and that y'all will develop your own style the more you write but whatever! lets! talk about sex!

  • The First Time;
So lemme get out of the way, if you guys are writing sex between a pengis-owner and a vagruba-owner, the first time is NOT SUPPOSED TO HURT FOR THE VAGRUBA. This is a complete falsehood that people keep spreading for ?????????? Fuck I don't know, cheetos. it's a myth! 

The hymen isn't supposed to break, it's a membrane that surrounds the vaginal opening. SURROUNDS. Not covers! Hymens don't cover the vaginas and they're NOT supposed to break during sex, though they CAN break just doing everyday things like riding a bike. And I think some people don't even have hymens? I don't know, I'll probably have to look that one up. Regardless! Sex isn't supposed to hurt, you're NOT supposed to bleed, and "getting your cherry popped" is complete horse ass. It doesn't exist.

To have a comfortable first time, use lots of lube and get really aroused. Speaking of which...
  • Lubricants;
Lubing up is important! Whenever I write I don't think I've ever mentioned lubing up, mainly because I forget to or because the situation doesn't really warrant for it.

From MY knowledge, there are two types of lubricants; water-based and silicone. Water-based lubes are good for using toys on your partner (you can also get them flavoured), while silicone lube is for doing it in wet places like showers, baths, etc. I dunno if you'll ever have to mention whether lube is water-based or silicone but it never hurts to know these things.

IF ANAL SEX IS INVOLVED, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO WITH, YOU FUCKING NEED LUBE. YOU CAN'T GET AWAY WITH JUST SPIT, LIKE YOU CAN WITH VAGRUBAS SOMETIMES. YOU. NEED. LUBE.

Regardless, if you're gonna have two characters fucking up something fierce, it might be a good idea to mention that they're all lubed up and ready to FUCk.

  • Oral Sexing;
Oral sex is important. To me. I like writing oral sex, particularly cunnilingus because there's NEVER ENOUGH OF THAT. And face-riding, too. WHY IS THERE NEVER ANY FACE RIDING?! JUST SIT ON HIS FACE ALREADY, GIRL! IT'S RIGHT THERE, JUST DO IT!

When writing cunnilingus, y'all gotta remember that the clitoris is incredibly important to focus on AND ignore. When you writing someone first going down on someone else, don't immediately focus on the clitoris because it'll overwhelm them. The clit is sensitive, yo! That can be both a good and bad thing. It's a better method if the person performing cunnilingus licks them while using their nose to rub the clit. Also, using fingers is good. You could throw some sexy stuff in of them sucking on their own fingers to get all lubed up HOHOHOHOHO :bademoticon: 

Also I remember someone saying something about long licks with a flat tongue.

For pengises, I read a deep-throat technique saying to like, put your tongue on the roof of your mouth and let it touch the underside? Or something like that. No idea if that works, but whatever. There's also a sensitive bit between the area of like... the balls and the anus? It lines up with the prostate gland, if I remember correctly, and if you press it then that feels good. Speaking of balls, those are important to focus on, too. 

I know they're gross but you have to make sacrifices sometimes, guys.

I'd probably consider it a necessity for blowjobs to be wet, so have your character use some lube. Unless you're freaky and want them to like, spit on it or something. No hate? But... You do you. Also, to prolong pleasure/tease/whatever, when their partner gets close to climax just slow down for a bit then continue as normal. I feel like I shouldn't be making this journal.

  • Build up the Fuckening Foreplay, binch;
Foreplay! Is good! It's a way to get all hot and aroused before getting into the sex. If you want to build up some tension before getting to the Main Event™ as it were, have them touch each other and get impatient and whatnot. Personally I love it when they're getting into it then for whatever reason they have to stop, it's always so frustrating and you gotta keep reading to see if they DO end up fuckening.

When writing things like foreplay, or oral, or sex in general, be sure to mention their body language. Are they writhing? Moaning? Not feeling it? How are they reacting to that person's touch? Are they panicking? Are they nervous? Are they desperate for more? Are they horny as FUCK? Also, sex is relatively exerting, so they'll probably be sweating. 

It's always so much sexier imo if you're writing what the person on the receiving end is feeling. Dirty talk is another thing that's good. I never used to write dirty talk and honestly I don't write that much even now, but it's good. Write how the receiving person is reacting, mention their moaning if they are, and if they're losing their minds bc they're so GOTDAM horny then have them talk dirty as fuck. I'm talking real dirty, like shit you'd never normally say or think, because when you're horny you just kind of???? do it. 

Kind of like being drunk, I suppose.

Also just a personal preference but please write more characters saying they're about to cum. I love that shit. (y'all ever hear them say "iku, iku!" on R18 japanese drama cds? i live for it)

Good foreplay includes;
- Handjobs (can be over or under clothes)
- Grinding
- Dry-humping
- Groping
- Hickeys
- Sloppy kisses (can be anywhere)
- NOT TOO MUCH SLOPPY KISSES you don't want to be slobbered on
- Finger-sucking I suppose
- Spanking if you're into it
- Stuff to do with ears and necks, kissing, nibbling, shit like that.
- The middle of the thighs just near the crotch is supposed to be really sensitive, so that could be for good foreplay or good oral.
- Stuff to do with titties/nipples.
- Use both hands! If one is occupied doing something, make them use the other with groping or caressing or something.
- The skin where the neck connects to the collarbone is sensitive, so involving that could be good shit.

That's about all I've got so far I'll probably update it if I remember more.

  • Misconceptions about Stuffs;
- Pengises, sadly, are not born circumcised. I know, I know, dry your eyes. Personally I prefer them cut simply because it looks better? I mean dicks are gross enough as it is, but uncut is just... icky. However there are health benefits to an uncut pengis. It keeps out gross stuff a little better, from what I can tell.
- Vagrubas are very powerful ELASTIC MUSCLES. They don't "get loose" except with age or multiple childbirths, and even then you can do exercises to tighten it up again. People don't "get loose" from lots of sex.
- They also expand when aroused, so it's not entirely likely that you're always gonna be fucking with a tight vagina, unless the person themselves just has a small one.
- People with vaginas pee out of the URETHRA, not the vagina. Period blood comes out of the vagina, pee comes out of the urethra. And the G-spot is located on the vaginal wall that's pressed up against the urethra. Some people don't have them, though.
- Breasts are NOT SEXUAL ORGANS. That's a western concept, pretty much no one (aside from maybe Japan idk) outside the west thinks of tits as sexual. It CAN be pleasurable if massaged, but that's not a universal truth. Many big-breasted individuals don't get any pleasure at all from it, AND EVEN THEN it's the nipples that feel good when stimulated, not the breasts themselves. And if y'all recall, everyone has nipples. Go wild.
- Biological males have prostate glands that feel good when stimulated, and as it so happens that is located in their asshole. This means no matter the gender of their partner, buttplay is 100% fine and doesn't always mean that they're gay. It's just another form of pleasure, you're not gay unless you're exclusively sexually attracted to your own sex/gender/whatever. 
- After pengis people cum, it takes about 15 minutes before their pengis can become erect again. Vagrubas, however, can have consecutive orgasms.
- Thanks to Vizkopa I have been informed that pengis people CAN have multiple orgasms, but it takes a lot of practice in training their PC muscles so that they don't release and have "dry" orgasms.
- The pill isn't always a foolproof contraceptive.
- Even if your partner pulls out, it's possible you can still get pregnant.
- Not EVERYONE has an orgasm. See: straight women :bademoticon: 
- Simultaneous orgasm is possible, but it's unlikely for a couple that's only fucked a few times.
- BLOOD, SPIT, OR WHATEVER OTHER WEIRDO LIQUID YOU CAN THINK OF COMBINED WITH THE POWER OF "I'M ONLY GAY FOR YOU" IS NOT ENOUGH TO LUBE UP SOMEONE'S ASSHOLE.
- SERIOUSLY USE SOME FUCKING LUBE WHENEVER THEY'RE DOING ANAL WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IT'S OKAY TO JUST GO IN!!!!!!!

and that's about all i can think of right now. fucking damn. this can either be used as a writing resource or sex advice. fun times.

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SympathyfortheDevil9's avatar
Ok, I make up SO MUCH SMUT STUFF in my brain, but just even the thought of typing any of it out in its entirety just makes me so uncomfortable ;-; so sadly, the talent's gonna have to go to waste, I guess...